How to Get The Best Revenge

December 7, 2011 by  
Filed under Mind, Personal N*Powerment

Some of you have inquired offline about the recent spate of negative comments being left here on the site. They are the result of problems with two individuals (who will remain as nameless as they are senseless). I have since deleted & archived those comments and disabled publishing comments because I realize that it doesn’t even make sense reading or responding to them as it is futile to attempt to respond rationally to irrationality.

Unbeknownst to me, these individuals have been harboring ill feelings towards me for reasons only they are aware of for quite some time. I have never had any negative altercations with them nor have I ever exchanged any hostile words with them or about them. In fact, I didn’t have any issues at all with them until last Sunday night when they began to literally “curse me out” through the walls of my home. I was shocked that their diatribe was totally directed at me. I will not repeat the things they were saying here now, but what I will say was that their comments that night as well as those that they later emailed to me and posted here on the blog were of a very personal nature and intended to push my buttons and hurt my feelings. Of course, being human, I experienced the gamut of possible reactions–from outright shock, surprise and confusion to anger and amusement. I could not understand where all their hostility came from when, as I mentioned, I have never interacted with them in any manner warranting this type of personal attack and I wondered what the heck I ever did to them. However, when they escalated their assault by leaving inflammatory voice mail messages on my work phone, speaking with my principal in the attempt to sully my unmarred reputation, and posting numerous silly remarks here to the blog, I realized that their problem actually has nothing to do with me. And that is what I want to share with you today.

Sometimes when you are busy “doing you” and simply living your life, there are people out there who can’t stand you simply because you are doing just that. They hate the fact that you are doing what you want to do, the way you want to do it, when you want to do it and however you want to do it. They hate that you have a choice. They see what you have and instead of being inspired or motivated to strive for the same thing for themselves, they prefer to sit back and grudge you for what you have. They hate that you have a goal in life and they don’t. They hate that you look good and they don’t. They hate that you “are” good and you don’t need their approval to believe it. They hate that they can’t be more like you. These folks are known as “haters.” They simply hate you because you exist and because you do, you are a constant reminder to them of all that they are not. If given the chance, they will attempt to bring you down to their level just so they can feel better about themselves. These people feel badly about who they are; however, that is not your problem. It’s their problem.

As someone who has always worked or volunteered in a service capacity, to help, educate or uplift others, I have never had anyone accost or blatantly “hating on” me the way these individuals have and so I’ve never really had to learn this lesson myself, until now. But now that I have, I want to implore anyone else who is experiencing anything similar to this to not allow it to weaken your resolve to live the life you were destined to live or the life that you choose to live. Whether you prefer to own your home over renting from others, prefer to have two (very cute) dogs over two kids, or a “boyfriend” who you can proudly say is hard-working, drug-free and has never been incarcerated over a “husband” who is unemployed, on drugs or in and out of jail–These are your choices and you are free to make them when you are an independent, self-sufficient woman. So, continue to do your thing and to do it well. Live your life and don’t let anyone else’s insecurities, delusional thinking, jealousies, misdirected negativity, or low self-esteem influence or diminish your capacity to be remarkable. Not everyone is going to love you even if they don’t even know you, but it’s ok, because the people who do, know why and according to 3LW, “Haters are gonna hate” so you might as well just go on doing your thing and giving them something to hate on! One of my dear friends always says, “Living well is the best revenge” and it has taken this experience to open my eyes to the truth of that statement. So, on that note, have a great week. Go out there and “Be Remarkable” and, as my friend says in Jamaican patois, “mek it bun dem!”

5 More Ways to Reduce Stress

November 27, 2011 by  
Filed under Mind, Personal N*Powerment, Self-care

Last week, I wrote about 5 ways to reduce stress and promised to add 5 more this week. And here they are:

1. Tackle tasks one room or project at a time. Even if you have the budget for a complete makeover, cleaning, clearing, remodeling and redecorating can be very time consuming and stressful projects. Try working on just one room or even one task at a time. My goal is to reorganize my entire closet, but I am going to start by simply reorganizing my handbags and then my shoes and so forth. Eventually, the entire closet will be reorganized. If it do it this way, it’ll get done. If I keep saying I want to reorganize the entire closet, it’ll never happen.

2. Leave some room for spontaneity. Make sure to leave time in your life every week to be spontaneous. Cutting things out of your life that are time wasters will also give you the energy to be spontaneous. Keep at least two weekends a month free from scheduled activities.

4. Highlight time wasters and cut them out. Instead of just making up another long ‘to do’ list so you can beat yourself up about all the things you didn’t and couldn’t possible have accomplished in one day. Make a realistic to do list or use my suggested Big Three. It will help you get your important things done.

5. Under promise and over deliver. This is very useful at work and at home. By selecting reasonable deadlines, you avoid the stress of crunch time. Use your time effectively and you will be able to finish ahead of schedule giving you satisfaction for a job well done and turned in early.

10. Define what life and work without stress would look like to you. Describe what your ideal schedule is, what leisure activities you want to do and who you want to spend time with. By creating a detailed image of what a stress free schedule looks like, you can begin to take the steps necessary to reducing the stress in your life.

Ok, so those are my top 10 stress busters. What are yours? Do you have any tried and true suggestions for reducing stress? Share them with us in the comment box below.

I haven’t mentioned this in a while, but if you are finding these posts helpful, don’t forget to like, tweet and share them! Thanks!

5 Ways to Reduce Stress

November 20, 2011 by  
Filed under Personal N*Powerment, Self-care

We can’t eliminate stress from our lives. The only way to not have any stress at all is to be dead and I prefer the alternative. What we can do is reduce the amount of stress we experience by making a few simple changes to the way we do things. Here are 10 things you can do to bring down your stress level starting today.

1. Remove the word selfish from your vocabulary and replace it with self-care or “selfing”. In order for you to take care of the people you love you need to take care of yourself first. If you friends, family, loved ones look to you as a model, make sure to model self-care, taking time to relax, read, and do whatever makes you feel rejuvenated.

2. Give yourself time for delays and unexpected events. When mapping out your day, add an extra 20 minutes to an hour cushion to your schedule. This extra time will keep you stress free and running on time if some of your appointments are delayed, or if you run into someone you haven’t seen in a while, so you can enjoy a spontaneous conversation without the guilt of running behind schedule. This is extra hard for highly motivated people because we are always in a rush and want to be everywhere early or on time. Plan for delays by keeping a book with you or other simple tasks that you can do while you wait. This way you won’t feel that you are being unproductive, because the truth is feeling unproductive–like you could be doing something else–is what you really find most annoying about delays.

3. Balance out your commitments. A great way to cut down on a hectic schedule is to balance out all new activities by removing an old activity. Don’t add anything new, work, classes, or volunteer activities to your plate unless you first remove something from your schedule to balance it out. This will help you to let go of projects that no longer serve you.

4. Be like a two year old. Well, not exactly, but use the word “No” more often. No is not a bad word, in fact, not only is it a complete sentence, but it’s a great stress reducing word. There is no need to justify or explain when you say no to someone’s request. Just give them a friendly smile, thank them for including you, and tell them you can’t do it this time. If you are having trouble getting used to saying no right away, tell the person you need some time to think about it, then call them later and decline to be involved this time. I know, you want to do it all, but the truth is you can’t. Stop stressing yourself to be all things to all people. To give your best to the people and experiences that you are involved in you can’t overextend yourself and over-commit.

5. Maximize your commute and errands. If you have errands to run, combine them to one trip. Take note of all of the things you do in one area and plan to do all of those things on one day instead of making several separate trips. For example, I pick up my doggie’s food, the dry cleaning and the laundry in one trip because they are all in the same area. Order whatever you can online so you don’t waste time on buying bulk items in stores. Listen to audiobooks during your commute.

 

Try to implement these 5 tips this week. I’ll share 5 more next week!

What are some of your own tried and true stress-busting tips? Share them with us in the comment box below

5 Ways to Stop “Starting” and Just “Start”

November 6, 2011 by  
Filed under Productivity, Professional N*Powerment

We all do it. We put off our starting our exercise routine, organizing our closet, eating a healthier diet or fixing the zipper on our favorite pair of jeans; we continually delay finishing that project or starting something new with the phrase, “I’ll start tomorrow.” Yet, in the back of our minds, we know that if we put it off it won’t get done because it’s never tomorrow, it’s always today…. or never. Read more

7 Ways to Eat Less Without Feeling Hungry

October 30, 2011 by  
Filed under Body, Featured N*Powerment, Physical N*Powerment

Whenever we try to cut back on our caloric intake, we often feel hungry. If you have been regularly overeating, your body is expecting to continue to receive the same calorie range  it has been used to. The trick to maintaining your weight or losing weight is helping your body make the transition to existing on fewer calories without it really noticing. Ok, so how do you do that? Read more

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