Who Was Your First Love? (and other trick questions)

June 27, 2011 by  
Filed under Personal N*Powerment

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My boyfriend and I were driving to the movies when a song came on the radio. I don’t remember which one, but the lyrics included something about a woman always being in love with her first love no matter where or how far or how long it had been since she last communicated with him.

About a minute after the song ended, my boyfriend turned to me and asked, “Is that true?” I hadn’t really been paying attention and didn’t think he had been either so I said, “What are you talking about?” He thought I was avoiding the question (or maybe the answer) and asked again in a tone that suggested that I knew exactly what he was talking about, “Is it true that you’ll always be in love with your first love? Are you still in love with your first love?”

Now all women know, unless you honestly loathe your first crush or boyfriend, if the man you are with is not your first love, then the answer to that question or any other trick questions similar to it, would be a resounding “No”.

However, I was in a sort of playful mood so I said, “I don’t know if it is true for all women, but I think it should be. In fact, I think that a woman should always be in love with her first love because that relationship gives her perspective on every love after that, so she should always cherish it and keep it alive.” Dumbstruck (he didn’t think I would say that) he said, “so you’re telling me that you are still in  love with your first love and that you two still have a relationship???” I paused for dramatic effect and said, “Yes!” He was incredulous and went on to say things such as “after all of this time….I can’t believe this…How could you do this…blah, blah, blah.”

I allowed him to go on that way for a minute or so until I was sufficiently entertained and then I said, “Listen, I was my first love and I am still very much in love with me.” I touched his arm and continued, “I am in love with you too, but being in love with myself first lays a foundation for all of  the relationships that I have had or will have with others, so you can calm down.”

Feeling a bit foolish, but clearly relieved, he could only say, “oh…ok, I thought….ok…well..in that case….ok.”

So what should you take away from this story? Not just that I enjoy making my boyfriend look silly, but that YOU should be your first love. Before you can love anyone else (in a healthy way) you have to love yourself FIRST! Most of the problems I hear and see women experience in relationships is because they put having the love of a man before having  love for themselves. As I’ve said in previous post, when you truly love yourself, being loved by others becomes a luxury, not a necessity. It’s icing, not the cake.

The second moral of the story is don’t  be caught off guard by these kinds of trick questions=) If you are still in love with your 6th grade boo, I suggest keeping that to yourself!


Have you run into “trick questions” like these? How did you respond? Share your story with us in the comment box below: (no time to comment? Like, Link,or  Tweet this blog post)



2 Responses to “Who Was Your First Love? (and other trick questions)”
  1. Mary says:


    I was not expecting the twist in your story, but I LOVED it. I have never thought of myself as my first love, but it is 100% true. How many times have we heard (or even said) that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else? My original thoughts when the term “first love” came up were directed at high school boyfriend, but really.. I had no clue what I was doing in that relationship, and it was because I was still working out who I was.

    It was a long journey, but I can definitely say that I love myself now – and it has allowed me to truly fall in love. The relationship I have with my boyfriend works so well because of the relationship I have with myself. What a beautiful thing to finally say “aloud.”


    • Nicolette James says:

      I love what you say here Mary, “The relationship I have with my boyfriend works so well because of the relationship I have with myself” and I wish it was a lesson we could learn earlier and definitely not as often in hindsight.