When Saying “No” to Others Means Saying “Yes” to Ourselves

April 8, 2011 by  
Filed under Personal N*Powerment

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I always secretly wish that there were or two three clones of myself. This way I could have them each working on different things while I worked on something else. One could be teaching, the other coaching or mentoring clients, the last one studying & researching important topics and I could be travelling. Alas, if only it were so….

But, it’s not. There’s only the one of me (much to my dismay).

Although those of us with my self-diagnosed disease–chronic-action-disorder (CAD) would like to do everything and be everywhere, and multiple selves would serve us well, we can’t be everywhere or do everything and this one “self” needs rest from time to time in order to be productive enough to do the myriad things we already have it doing!

So how do we stop the madness?

We have to learn how to say no…

Last week I wrote about saying no to the food that well-meaning people offer us when we aren’t hungry. This week I’m talking about saying no to the people, places and commitments that we agree to in our quest to be all things to all people at the expense of ourselves and our sanity.

I say “yes” to most things by default. I picked it up as a people-pleasing bad habit some time back in high school and haven’t been able to get a total grip on overcoming it, but I’m working on it. And I have gotten much better. In most situations, it’s fun to say “yes” as doing so keeps us busy and presents us with more opportunities, more events, and more activities at which to be remarkable, but we never hear it said that “sometimes more is less.” That’s because it isn’t–more usually tends to be more. And most times more is too much!

I don’t think there’s a cure for CAD (if there is I haven’t found it yet), but I think it can be controlled by occasionally saying no to some of the things we say automatically say yes to. Giving ourselves a little down time to rest and regroup can give us the energy we need to give 100% to the 50 million things that we’ve already committed to. Kinda like saying no to the ice-cream can help us enjoy more of the cake! Kinda….


One Response to “When Saying “No” to Others Means Saying “Yes” to Ourselves”
  1. Shirley Joylyn Best James says:

    When I say No, I mean no. Any advice I give to someone I give to myself.