Do You Love You? [From the Archives]

August 11, 2011 by  
Filed under Personal N*Powerment

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So last Sunday night I’m sitting in the living room watching a movie about a woman who is in love and having an affair with a man who is married to someone else. He tells this woman that he is “breaking up” with his wife in a few months and as soon as he does, he will marry her and they will live happily ever after. He says this every time he rolls out of her bed and kisses her good-bye.

Umm…ok, has anyone ever heard this before?

I’m yelling at the TV that she shouldn’t believe him, but there she was believing him. C’mon!!! Is there still a woman on earth who actually believes this crap?

Of course, we’ve all seen these movies. Some of us have starred in the leading role of our very own productions, and I get that. I really do. It’s all a part of living and learning, but what got me about this particular woman and made me want to reach into the TV and smack her is that she kept asking Joe Married Man if he loved her. She’d turn to him almost every 5 minutes they were together and say, “Do you love me?” and he’d say, “Of course, sweetheart” and give her a silencing peck on the forehead. Eventually, she threatened to tell his wife what was going on between them if he didn’t get them on the road to their happily-ever-after much sooner. And, in the end, he killed her before she could spill the beans. I knew it!

Haha…if that’s love, hate me…please!

Why do women fall for this over and over?

I think it’s because instead of asking someone else “Do you love me?” we don’t ask ourselves a more important question often enough, “Do I love me?” Meaning–do we love ourselves?

If we truly loved ourselves we would realize our own value. We would not allow anyone to determine our destinies by putting us on hold and telling us what they plan for us when they are “done” with the mess they’ve made of their lives with someone else. If we love ourselves, we wouldn’t be content with waiting in the wings or being on the side or being kissed goodbye by someone who has to return to someone else. There are many other behaviors that we would not tolerate from others if we truly loved ourselves.

So to me, the lesson of these maddeningly predictable 2-hour movies is to stop asking others if they love you. Love is a verb and it isn’t a secret. If someone loves you, you won’t have to ask because you’ll see it, hear it, and feel it in the way they treat you.

Instead, ask yourself, “Do I love me?” and if you do love yourself, don’t let anyone treat you like someone who nobody loves when you know for sure that the most important person in the world loves you more than anyone else can–YOU!


4 Responses to “Do You Love You? [From the Archives]”
  1. Kathy says:

    Such a great post today with so many valid points…. an important reminder that we need to love ourselves! (I really like how you wrote love is a verb and NOT a secret). I tried to vote “excellent” but don’t know if I messed it up! :) Keep up the inspiration- I look forward to it.

  2. Arlene Kendall says:

    Excellent post. So sad but true that there are women who allow themselves to be fooled by men. We need to look inward and not outward and say “I love me” as a daily mantra.

  3. Laura says:

    N Powered message! A co-worker had a white sheet of paper with K.I.S.S typed on it. It was posted above his computer. I just had to ask what this stood for at which time, I was advised, Keep It Simple Stupid. I chuckled while shaking my head. I hadn’t given this acronym K.I.S.S much thought after that day. I just read your post and immediately K.I.S.S came to mind. From my own experience and past relationships in life as a woman at times I have noticed we tend to seek acceptance and love from others. For what every reason, the message got mixed up somewhere in life. We become consumed with what others think of us. Our worth is measured by how many friends we have and how others perceive us. We lose ourselves and allow others to sculpt us into what we think others like. We ending each day feeling unsatisfied, miserable with no direction in life. Some of us start settling because we have no idea what we are searching for in life. As females we must learn to love ourselves first! Know are true self-worth to reach our true potential! Such a short, simple message yet so powerful. Sorry! I just went off due to feeling N POWERED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Motivated and looking forward to reading more of your post. God Knows I need it. Everything happens for a reason. Just yesterday I was thinking to myself. Tomorrow I will be 39. There is so much I need to do! I need to put ME first! My health, weight, relationships, career etc… Where will I start? Ahh, I need a Life Coach, Personal Trainer….. As I lay in bed feeling sorry for myself, I received a message after 3am on face book. I started to respond and feel asleep. Today, on my birthday for the first time, I opened up this site. Nothing happens before it’s time. April 16, 2011 will be a day of new beginnings. Please keep the post coming as I am sure they will assist me in transforming my life.

    • Hey Laura,
      Happy Birthday! I love your response because there are so many things we can talk about. Yes, each day is a new beginning because it’s the only day we can do anything with or about. Each day we decide how we will respond to the things that are beyond our control and how we will create what we want. The choice is ours every day. I look forward to walking this path with you. We all need support and motivation. Instead of holding each other down, we get so much further when we push or pull each other up! You are a year older and a year wiser. How will you use what you learned to improve your life? This is the year of transformation. How will N*Power yourself this year? Let’s work on it together!