When He Seems Into You…And Into Her Too!

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I know he loves me…

Yesterday,  a friend of mine called me crying her eyes out because she found out that the guy she’s is in a relationship with has been lying to her about seeing other women (and that it wasn’t the first time).

She explained that “it’s all very complicated” because she loves him and knows that he “loves her too” and he needs to decide who he wants to be with. She said that she knows he would “choose” her if he could only see that she is better for him than those other chicks blah, blah, blah!!

Why is this always the way the story goes?

The Choice is Yours, Not His

I explained to her that the choice isn’t his. That the situation isn’t complicated at all. He doesn’t have to decide anything! She is the one with the decisions to make. She needs to determine how much she values herself and how much of his bull that she is willing to take.

I understand that when feelings are involved it isn’t easy to turn them off and that even when someone mistreats us, if we love him or her, we may feel hurt, upset or angry, but we still love them. Yes, we will still love with our hearts, but we have to decide with our heads if we are going to allow someone to continually mistreat us. Sometimes we have to accept that we will still love him/her but that we have to let him/her go because we love ourselves more.

She told me that he says that he doesn’t mean to hurt her by seeing these other women. No, maybe he doesn’t, but it doesn’t negate the fact that he does hurt her. If you mistakenly drop a huge rock on my foot even if you didn’t mean to I bet you it still hurt! The first time you’ll apologize and I won’t hold it against you, but if you do so repeatedly, your apology is gonna get old and your intention is also going to be suspect: If you don’t mean to drop that boulder on my toe, why do you keep doing it? If I realize that you have a ‘boulder-dropping’ problem and I want to keep my feet safe, I will have to remove them from your presence. Right??? You don’t get to decide if I should protect my foot or not. I choose.

My question is why do women continue to allow men to be in the position of deciding whether to hurt us or not? He is cheating on you with you someone else, you catch him, now that he is caught he needs to decide which one of you he wants to keep!! As a matter of fact, you are gonna show her! You are not going to let him go just so she can’t have him. Furthermore, if you see her on the street she’d better watch out because you are going to get her for stealing your man!

Give me a break! Go find a man who can’t be stolen and re-gift the one you thought you had to the other woman. Obviously, he wasn’t the right one for you.

My advice is to stop fighting over men who are not fighting over you. If he wants to be with you, he’ll be with you and only you. If he can’t decide who to be with, make it easier for him by eliminating his options.

Men will not stop behaving this way until we stop allowing them to. We need to teach them that you “keep” horses, not women.

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