How to Get The Best Revenge

December 7, 2011 by  
Filed under Mind, Personal N*Powerment

Some of you have inquired offline about the recent spate of negative comments being left here on the site. They are the result of problems with two individuals (who will remain as nameless as they are senseless). I have since deleted & archived those comments and disabled publishing comments because I realize that it doesn’t even make sense reading or responding to them as it is futile to attempt to respond rationally to irrationality.

Unbeknownst to me, these individuals have been harboring ill feelings towards me for reasons only they are aware of for quite some time. I have never had any negative altercations with them nor have I ever exchanged any hostile words with them or about them. In fact, I didn’t have any issues at all with them until last Sunday night when they began to literally “curse me out” through the walls of my home. I was shocked that their diatribe was totally directed at me. I will not repeat the things they were saying here now, but what I will say was that their comments that night as well as those that they later emailed to me and posted here on the blog were of a very personal nature and intended to push my buttons and hurt my feelings. Of course, being human, I experienced the gamut of possible reactions–from outright shock, surprise and confusion to anger and amusement. I could not understand where all their hostility came from when, as I mentioned, I have never interacted with them in any manner warranting this type of personal attack and I wondered what the heck I ever did to them. However, when they escalated their assault by leaving inflammatory voice mail messages on my work phone, speaking with my principal in the attempt to sully my unmarred reputation, and posting numerous silly remarks here to the blog, I realized that their problem actually has nothing to do with me. And that is what I want to share with you today.

Sometimes when you are busy “doing you” and simply living your life, there are people out there who can’t stand you simply because you are doing just that. They hate the fact that you are doing what you want to do, the way you want to do it, when you want to do it and however you want to do it. They hate that you have a choice. They see what you have and instead of being inspired or motivated to strive for the same thing for themselves, they prefer to sit back and grudge you for what you have. They hate that you have a goal in life and they don’t. They hate that you look good and they don’t. They hate that you “are” good and you don’t need their approval to believe it. They hate that they can’t be more like you. These folks are known as “haters.” They simply hate you because you exist and because you do, you are a constant reminder to them of all that they are not. If given the chance, they will attempt to bring you down to their level just so they can feel better about themselves. These people feel badly about who they are; however, that is not your problem. It’s their problem.

As someone who has always worked or volunteered in a service capacity, to help, educate or uplift others, I have never had anyone accost or blatantly “hating on” me the way these individuals have and so I’ve never really had to learn this lesson myself, until now. But now that I have, I want to implore anyone else who is experiencing anything similar to this to not allow it to weaken your resolve to live the life you were destined to live or the life that you choose to live. Whether you prefer to own your home over renting from others, prefer to have two (very cute) dogs over two kids, or a “boyfriend” who you can proudly say is hard-working, drug-free and has never been incarcerated over a “husband” who is unemployed, on drugs or in and out of jail–These are your choices and you are free to make them when you are an independent, self-sufficient woman. So, continue to do your thing and to do it well. Live your life and don’t let anyone else’s insecurities, delusional thinking, jealousies, misdirected negativity, or low self-esteem influence or diminish your capacity to be remarkable. Not everyone is going to love you even if they don’t even know you, but it’s ok, because the people who do, know why and according to 3LW, “Haters are gonna hate” so you might as well just go on doing your thing and giving them something to hate on! One of my dear friends always says, “Living well is the best revenge” and it has taken this experience to open my eyes to the truth of that statement. So, on that note, have a great week. Go out there and “Be Remarkable” and, as my friend says in Jamaican patois, “mek it bun dem!”

Sticks and Stones & Why Words Do Hurt

October 23, 2011 by  
Filed under Mind, Personal N*Powerment

We all grew up with the popular chant, “sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” On the surface, this song probably got us through a few rough spots without looking bruised, but the truth is, words do hurt. We know that the words people say to us and about us have the ability to hurt us, but how much thought do you give to the words you say about yourself to yourself?

Do you have limiting and sabotaging  messages playing in your subconscious mind?  Most of these messages are recorded during childhood, but their effects can last well into adulthood.  Chances are if someone told you that you were no good or lazy, you believed them.  If someone told you that you’d never amount to anything or you weren’t good enough, you believed them.  If someone told you that you were stupid, or ugly or skinny or fat or too light or too dark, you believed them.  And you still believe them to this day – even if you’re not consciously aware of these underlying beliefs.

The good news is,  it is possible to overcome old messages and replace them with new, empowering messages.  Here are three good ways to start:

1) Fall in love with yourself

Think about the last time you fell in love with someone.  At the beginning you and the person probably devoted a lot of time, attention and affection to each other, right?  You felt passionate and swept away by the beauty of your partner and he/she felt the same about you.  One of the best ways to learn to love yourself is to enter into a similar process – with yourself!  Treat yourself like the royalty you are!  Do things that make you feel happy.  Hug yourself.  Tell yourself everything that you love about yourself and why someone should be in love with you. Spend quality time with yourself, wine and dine yourself, admire yourself and stare into your own eyes. Discover how awesome you are.

2) Explore your existing beliefs

You may suspect you have old, limiting messages hanging around in your head but may be unsure about what they are exactly.  Maybe no one ever came out and said those derogatory things to you, but you still doubt yourself in some areas.  In order to discover the beliefs that are holding you back, you may need to go on an expedition.  Begin exploring your existing beliefs by writing in a journal.  Give yourself prompts or questions like these:  “My earliest memory of feeling stupid was . . .”  “My mother always made me feel . . .”  “My father always treated me like . . .” and so on.  The idea is to think back to an earlier time in your life and see if you can discover when and where your limiting beliefs got started.  Then, challenge those beliefs.  Are they still true?  Were they ever true?  Decide what you WANT to be true, and begin to replace the old beliefs by focusing on your new and improved beliefs.

3) Emphasize your good qualities

When you have low self-esteem, you tend to keep focusing on the things that are “wrong with you,” and dismissing the things that you have going for you.  Start to turn this around by praising and encouraging yourself in your self-talk.  When you accomplish something, congratulate yourself!  Say things like, “Wow, I’m really proud of myself for doing that.  It wasn’t easy, but I pushed through and gave it my best shot.”  You can also make a point of simply giving yourself positive self-talk daily.  Recite affirmations like these:  “I am a valuable person.  I have a lot to offer the world.  I’m talented and successful.”  The more you do it, the more you’ll come to believe it.

Wanna hear more about the power of self-talk? Listen to my audioblog here: Self-Talk

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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I was listening to a radio show on my way to work this morning. The cast were discussing a letter a young lady wrote to the show asking for advice. She wanted to know how to tell when someone is using you. Read more

Do You Love You? [From the Archives]

August 11, 2011 by  
Filed under Personal N*Powerment

So last Sunday night I’m sitting in the living room watching a movie about a woman who is in love and having an affair with a man who is married to someone else. He tells this woman that he is “breaking up” with his wife in a few months and as soon as he does, he will marry her and they will live happily ever after. He says this every time he rolls out of her bed and kisses her good-bye.

Umm…ok, has anyone ever heard this before?

Read more

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Filed under Personal N*Powerment

My boyfriend and I were driving to the movies when a song came on the radio. I don’t remember which one, but the lyrics included something about a woman always being in love with her first love no matter where or how far or how long it had been since she last communicated with him. Read more

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